Dear Rev. Falwell,

Please shut your pie hole. You are causing unrest and loss of life when you open it. You are Satan in an unattractive physical form; apparently, Ricky Martin's body doesn't stand still long enough to allow possession. The only people who listen to you are religious zealots and stupid people. But I repeat myself...

On behalf of intelligent, tolerant people, and people who are good for the sake of good without the guarantee of eternal life, I beg of you... follow your true calling into used car sales where you can no longer be of detriment to our planet.